Inspiration:

1 a : a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation b : the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions c : the act of influencing or suggesting opinions

Do you ever wonder where your inspirations come from?  Some people think it is given by a force great than what we can conceive of, some think it is our subconscious. Some find it in great celebrities or cultural icons of our time. Some find it in our parents or our children. Tonight, I will share with you, dear readers, some of the amazingly special people that touch my life, and inspire me.

One of my inspirations is my friend, C. Although she has only been in my life for a year, she is nothing short of a revelation. C. embodies the ideal of what I would hope to be, with her sense of bravery and chutzpah. She has seized the reins of her destiny, and made her biggest dreams materialize, in the form of her wonderful boutique. But what inspires me the most, is that she believes in me. I, of little and low self esteem, never quite see myself as others do- something that I think plagues us all at some point. Perhaps it sounds something narcissistic, but sometimes, knowing that someone truly has faith in you, in your hopes & dreams, allows those very dreams to become more of a reality than some unattainable folly. C. has allowed me to see that, and constantly encourages me to attain those many goals, and hone my talents. C. listens to my dreams with an open heart, and embraces even the ideas I cast off in my own fits of self- deprecation. She has conquered my heart, ten times over, and I am blessed to call her a friend.

Another person who touches my life every day is my wonderful boyfriend, J. I have praised him on here before, but how can one help but feel  deeply indebted to the person who makes them confront the reality of who they are. J. has sat with me with the darkest moments, rejoiced with me at all my triumphs, and never ceased to believe in who I am, and who I will be. But where does the inspiration come in, you might be asking. J. inspires me because he never accepts mediocrity from his life. He constantly seeks greatness, in all facets of his person. There were moments where I almost thought J. was almost too harsh on himself, always pushing his limits, always working, always trying to conquer every challenge set before him. These were the moments where I had yet to learn a very important lesson. J. has become the pillar of intelligence, integrity, and respect that he is because anything less was just not his reality. J. has mastered the use of the Law of Attraction. Some may call it the Secret, or just plain old optimisim- but for J., he has made his life this story of success and balance, because no other option could possibly be a reality for him. Naturally, such success and balance has been accompanied by years of hard work, dedication and study. But I strive every day to emulate him, to learn from his example. Trust me, it AINT easy. I have a long road ahead of me, and much success and joy to embrace and make my own.  With J. & his inspiration by my side, I have great hopes for what my life will become.

My last inspiration for this evening is a young woman who I have yet to have the pleasure of meeting, yet I feel like she is a intimate friend. Miss Julia Allison shares the moments of her life with the world, through photographs, stories, opinions, and other forms of media. In fact, it was her blog that inspired yours truly to divulge her ideas to the world. Miss Allison inspires me because of she embraces the woman that she is, and is not afraid ( well, maybe a little) to share that with millions of readers who peruse the internet every day. She is what I think all young women should strive to be: ambitious but humble, entrepreneurial but cautious, strong yet still vulnerable. She is wonderfully perfect in her imperfections, and resilient in the eyes of the opinionated. I am thankful for discovering her lifecast on Nonsociety.com during one of my fits of insomnia. She has truly touched me in an unexpected way, and I am extremely grateful for it.

I have many more people in my life who never cease to inspire me in special ways- but to document each one of their glories would turn this blog post into an epic of gratitude and love, and this Diva needs her rest. Tonight, look into your own lives, and seek out those who inspire you to be the best version of yourself, those who never allow you be less than you deserve to be, and those who inspire you to touch on dreams you never dared to.  These are my definitions of true Inspiration.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.”

- The 23rd Psalm

I have had an epiphany: I am incredibly blessed. Not in material things or superficial qualities, but in doing things I truly love, and having people in my life that fill my heart with unspeakable joy.

Like I mentioned in my last post, 2009 was a year of tremendous learning and experience for me. But a happy year? Not quite. It was an experiment in misery. I spent a good portion of my time feeling bad for myself, wondering why the world had dealt me such a rotten hand. Every job interview I went on, I only went with the idea that I needed to get a JOB. No joy, no desire, no ambition. Just finding my next stop along the way. I had friends who loved me, supported me, and wanted to cheer me up. Did I accept their love? Nope. Instead, I closed myself off to everyone most of the time, instead choosing to wallow in my self imposed solace.

This isn’t to say it was all bad- there were happier moments. But looking back- I don’t think I was present for them. Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. I never allowed myself to feel the full intensity of the joy that these moments were supposed to give me. It was like I was watching life through a pair of dirty eye glasses: I could see just fine, but everything was kind of fuzzy- all the sweetness and joy in life was fogged over by my sad disposition.

These past few days have marked an momentous turn in my life. I have had wonderful moments with my friends, boyfriend, and family. More importantly, I have felt an incredible sense of joy in everything I do. What set off this post though, was an incredible outpouring of love that I felt from the important people in my life. I felt such a surge of appreciation, of happiness, that I burst into tears of joy. My boyfriend thought I was out of my mind, till I explained that I was merely happy. He said something that will never leave me- “Don’t cry and allow yourself to enjoy the fact that you deserve to be happy. ” I don’t think I ever realized that in all that time I was closing myself off, I was merely my own worst enemy. No one was denying me the opportunity to succeed or be happy except myself. I was focusing on the minute mediocrities of the day to day, instead of embracing the incredible blessings.

I am looking forward to this year being one of many moments of joy, success and appreciation for all the things life has blessed me with. Take a moment and relish all of the joys in your lives. Allow yourselves to be happy- you deserve it.

Good Evening, my fellow Insomniacs..

Tonight, I have decided to begin my descent into the great chasm otherwise known as the blogosphere. You see, my sleepless friends, I have spent month after month, perusing other people’s blogs, savoring their intelligent words and intrepid ideas. Every night brings me a wee bit of excitement as I wonder if my beloved bloggers have left any tidbits for my frail and exhausted mind to feed off of into the wee hours of the morning, making each dreamless night a little more bearable.

This evening, as I read my nightly entries, enjoying the antics of these modern day storytellers, a secret wish buried deep within me, emerged. It dawned on me that I, too might have something to contribute to someone else’s twilight journeys through out the internet- dare I dream of perhaps touching upon their minds in the daytime.

I suppose I should begin my foray by supplying you with a brief history of myself. I am a 28 year old woman, born on the banks of the Hudson River and bred in the fair Garden state. I have a wonderfully entertaining and dysfunctional family that brings me laughter, tears, blessings, and love. This family consists of my brilliant and passionate Cuban-born parents, and my younger brother, who I am only beginning to know as my peer, but is one of the kindest and most honorable souls who could ever cross your path. My family also consists of 6 spirited Dachshunds, 8 very docile pussycats, and 2 parakeets.

As an individual, I find myself to be unabashedly feminine, a hopeless romantic, and an eternal optimist regarding everything except myself. I love very deeply, talk too loudly, take everything a little too personally, but forgive easily. I am told I am an intelligent and cultured individual, although my various moments of ditzyness might make you think otherwise. I adore all things lavish, luxurious and decadent. I concede to such diva-like indulgences all too often, and it will be the death, if not of me, then at least of my poor bank account.

After many years of trying to find my calling amongst the various industries in New York City, I now find myself unemployed since January of 2009. But, even in such dark times as these, I have found amazing bits of light to guide me along the way. 2009 blessed me with people and experiences I shall always treasure, taught me  valuable lessons about the person I had become, and gave me the courage to grow into the person I want to be.

I hope that you will all join me on this escapade as I discover and evolve into the woman I have always dreamed of being.

Yours,

Ditzy Diva